Wednesday, October 31, 2007

And now a scary story

Hi everybody! I'm Icky the Satanic fish head with a Halloween story that will scare the pants off you. Ready? Good. Here goes:

Once upon a time there was a US Senator from Idaho whose last name begins with C and he noticed a young Capitol Hill page who he thought was a very good looking young man. He took this young man under his wing and he told the young man he loved him and that he would do all sorts of things for him if the young man would only let Senator C play some fun games with him.

The young man thought, "Gee that wouldn't be so bad, he seems nice and all and he is a Republican after all so this kind of stuff must be cool." So the young man agreed to Senator C's ideas.
The Senator and the young man played all sorts of fun games like "Slap and Tickle," "Squeeze and Please," and "Gas Station Attendant and Buff Young Stud." The Senator had lots of fun playing with the young man but as the games progressed the young man grew uneasy. When he expressed his concerns to the Senator, the older man grew angry and he told the young boy that if he told anyone about their games then he'd get mad and hurt the young man and anyone who the young man told. Then he patted the young man's leg in an inappropriate place and he saw to it that the young man became more well groomed.
The Senator had a thing for men with short hair so the Senator got the young man a hair cut.
Senator C also taught the young man how to file his nails down so they would not scratch when grasping things tightly with his young manly hand.
Senator C also sent the young man to the shoe store so he could buy the latest style of shoes so he would not be seen with a young man who was unfashionable. After he turned the young man into a metrosexual Senator C's diabolical plan was almost complete. He took the young man to a Motel 6 on the outskirts of Silver Spring, Maryland and he had his way with him. Senator C made sexy time with the young page for hours and hours despite the young page's pleas for him to stop. Finally when Senator C fell asleep the young man escaped and he began telling his story to anyone who would listen.

********

As you can imagine Senator C grew angry. He prayed to the Dark Lord Lucifer for help and the Dark One sent forth his son, little Daimen Cheney, to help the Senator smite the young page. Together they caught the young man and they punished him by tossing him into burning hot furnace.


And thus was the career of US Senator Mike Crapo (Idaho-R) saved.

What? You thought Larry Craig was the Idaho Senator in question? Hahahahaha, well you were wrong!!! Larry Craig likes older dudes not young pages, hahahahaha.

Have a happy Halloween everyone! I hope you get plenty of fish sticks in your treat bag!

6 comments:

Randal Graves said...

Funny as hell, but come on. Like we can really be expected to keep track of all the Republican perversions. There's just too goddamn many!

Some Guy said...

I'm terrified to my very core.

I'm sleeping with the lights on tonight.

Missy said...

I am with Chris.

I was nervous when I was flying in and out of the MPLS/ST. Paul Int'l Airport acouple weeks ago and now I will be nervous in general!

mwb said...

Just another "Page" out of the Republican Facebook...

dguzman said...

Well, thank goodness we have these upstanding repubs like Sen. Creepo around, so Sen. Craig won't feel so alone.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Randal-It's almost as if Republican=Sex Offender.

Chris-Sorry man, I didn't mean to scare you so bad.

Missy-Don't fear the toe tapping.

Dguz-Those pervs stick together.